Piss, Shit & Vomit
In an early post I briefly mentioned that in Berkmann's book "Fatherhood: The Truth" a brief chapter covered "Piss, Shit & Vomit". I also added, with a sense of expectation, that it was possible that the ratio of chapter:book was not in fact related to the book:reality ratio. How correct I was.
In Baby's first...solids I did say there were two ends of the solids conversation, and as the entry level has been covered now is the time to tie in this and Berkmann's chapter. Yes, it's the big exit.
Unlike in Eastenders when the big exit is in the back of a black cab, the big exit this weekend was out of an ill-fitted nappy. For that one we'll blame MOTS given she'd applied said nappy and cunningly left the house to go shopping, obviously well aware of the impending carnage.
Part way through Saturday morning it was discovered that a nappy change was required. And oh boy, was it required. Out of the side of the nappy, down the left leg, in amongst the toes. Thankfully the sleepsuit acted like something from NASA, containing everything therein. It was disgusting, and the smell (how can carrot smell so bad?). Oh my god, the SMELL.
Delicate removal of the sleepsuit was required, as was the vest - this was covered too and had to come off over the head. A head that was the destination for all things grabbable by hand, given eveyrthing goes in the mouth at the moment. So it was tricky to say the least. Leg still covered, keeping them down to keep Junior from grabbing his feet (and trying to chew them). Under control - just. Shit everywhere.
Half a dozen wipes later and we can almost see some bare leg again, but still needing a LOT of attention. Then came the piss. All over me it went, hand over to stop the flow, but it may have well been a leaking pipe in the Thames Water area, it just didn't stop flowing. So that needed a mop-up, all the while still holding feet down to prevent shitty feet being chewed. Totally fed up and about to cry.
A short struggle later and I had cleaned up enough to relocate to a freshly waiting clean vest and clothes. There's light at the end of the tunnel.
So what's missing? Ahh, the vomit. No sooner had I managed to get his vest on he puked, and puked well.
So there we go, in the wrong order but all three elements present and in volume.
MOTS made her appearance at exactly the right moment, just as I was tipped over the edge and about to give the clothes a cuddle and shove the baby in the washing machine. Thanks, darling!
Just one question: How can something change the composition of milk, fruit and vegetables into that?
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