Alder's Tone

Where's the baby?I have mentioned Jack Jack before, and been reluctant so far to enlighten those who have not yet seen The Incredibles, but now the time is right to do so. But first, go out and buy it, watch it, then come back. It's Pixar law, you have to do it. If you have small children it's very educational. Especially for teenage girls embarking on their first baby-sitting experience.

Jack Jack Parr, the gifted son of a super hero couple, star of the Pixar short film Jack Jack Attack, is a fictional character with super powers that can make him speed around in the blink of an eye. It is supposed to be a humourous animated film. It is supposed to be funny. That is, unless you have a 7 month old who can do exactly the same as Jack Jack. And then it turns from fun to fear, along with a realisation that this fictional character is actually as close to reality as you can get. All except the floating through the air part. And maybe the laser eyes and the bursting into flames. OK, the bursting into flames is clearly artistic license.

Crawling is up on the agenda just now, not that it's started just yet but that it's imminent. It seems so long since Jack Jack was able to roll over and we'd miss it, wait a few days then miss it again. Now we can roll him on his back and watch him roll onto his front, roll him back and watch it again. And again. And again. And again. And I'm bored now, but he's still rolling. Still rolling.

What's amazing us the most just now is you can look away for literally 2 seconds (I never thought parents could say "2 seconds" and mean anything less than a minute, but now I know "2 seconds" means "a time period somewhere between one and three seconds") and miss out on something. That something can be:

• Turning from back to belly


• Spinning through 180 degrees


• Pushing backwards and moving a few feet, off the mat, onto the rug, off the rug, onto the carpet, across the carpet, heading for freedom...

It's going to open up a whole new world, one where everything has to learn to levitate or be grabbed, and that includes the cats. Why don't they build family homes an extra three feet taller? And furniture three feet higher? And plug sockets in the ceiling rather than nearer the floor? I'll tell you why - so Ikea can sell you little bits of plastic to put in your plugs, clip onto your cupboards, slip on the corner of your coffee table, just to squeeze even more cash from you.

It's a funny old milestone. One that shows development, yet presents fear into parents.

I'm afraid. Very afraid.

But there is hope. And that is in the form of what is now affectionately known as "the prison", which we touched on earlier in this post. I'm playing around with giving it a proper name, like HMP Alderstone, but then I'd have to have "the block" and provide work and privileges, and is it worth it?