Alder's Tone

It was inevitable. You can't go through life with kids and not rush to A&E at the children's hospital at some stage. We know of trips involving nothing more than a cold, through to raisins stuck up the nose and onto broken bones. Ours, this morning, was for a smashed tooth.

Junior decided to take a bite out of the coffee table this morning. It would normally follow at this point that gravity takes over after a slight slip, and that the top jaw comes smashing down onto the coffee table. But oh no, he's different, he decides to stand up, hitting it from underneath.

The usual bad parenting kicked in, ie no reaction. Until the cries started, which weren't normal. Then the blood started pooring. Then the crying turned to panic and almost hyperventilating. It took all of a split second to realise it was an A&E job.

Thankfully he calmed down pretty quickly, and slept most of the way in. And was all smiles again for the doctor (yes, young, female, blonde). The prognosis for one tooth isn't good, it may be coming out. Only 2 months he's had it and he's obviously fed up with it already. Which means daddy gets his gummy boy back for a while, he he's left with a gap in his teeth from now until all his big teeth are through. Which means we won't be able to mock him for having a gap when he loses his first tooth proper.

On the way home MOTS asked how much the tooth fairy was going to be due him, especially as it was an accidental one. Is it coincidence that the word "dental" is at the end of "accidental"???? Hmm, not sure. I did say it was unscheduled, and as the tooth fairy didn't know it was coming that she hadn't had time to save up for it.

And almost word for word Grandpops said the same, independently, when we got home. Yorkshiremen to the end!

So, dentist here we come...

Posted by Lee at 29 July 2007 | Permalink | Comments (6)

Here's the latest picture of the boy, for those who don't have access to his online album.

Another climber!Couldn't resist it. That of course is Sir Chris Bonnington (picture lifted from the BBC with no apparent copyright, hence I left Sir Chris' site alone 'cos that did have explicit instructions not to use them).

As you can guess, with the use of Sir Chris in this post, our own little lad is become something of a climber. Not like the ivy or fuscias or whatever is this year's choice of plant that grows up the side of Grandma & Grandads house,
but stairs it is.

And he masters them well.

From his first try and managing three steps, to his second last night and getting stuck on the corner step (we have a staircase that rises around 4 steps, then turns on itself through a few steps to straighten up again for the final climb). It was this first angled step that baffled him, being deeper at one side and narrow at the other.

Today, however, this was not a problem. He'd obviously slept on the issue and worked it out overnight. Up the first stage, around the turn, and part way up the final ascent before turning round and realising his sherpa (MOTS) was behind him. At this point he gave up, preferring to return to base camp.

The summit is only 2 steps away, son.

Posted by Lee at 26 July 2007 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Until we dropNot my words, but Berkmann's. I've had a look for Marcus tonight but can't find him. DISASTER, my bible has vanished. And there's a couple of newbie dads to be I know out there who could use him. Perhaps I should cut this lending Marcus out crap and just get them to buy their own copies?

Back to the party. It's coming, and I'm really looking forward to it. Here's my 10 step plan to maintaining peace, tranquility and serenity.

1. Have a beer
2. Ask if anyone else wants a beer as I'm having another one
3. Have another beer
4. Think about a wine, but have a beer instead
5. Ask if anyone's helping themselves to a beer to get me one too
6. Have another beer, whilst keeping an eye on the gin
7. Have another beer
8. In for a beer, in for a gallon
9. Wonder why my "special case" of beer is almost half empty. Think what the hell and have another beer
10. Realise I'm past the point of no more gin, and settle for another beer

Or failing that, my alternative, wet weather plan:

1. Send out invites (CHECK)
2. Panic over where to stick everyone if the weather's wet (CHECK, but repeat)
3. Fear that our usual "invite 6 & feed the 5,000" routine will actuially turn out to be "invite 5,000 & feed 6"
4. PANIC - the garden needs a lot of love
5. CHILL - we have 4 weeks left, the grass will need cutting again anyway if I do it now
6. Wonder if I should book the delivery slot from Tesco for Friday night or Saturday morning
7. Weigh up whether a birthday cake from Costco will feed 5,000
8. Draw the conclusion that it'll be alright on the night, so stop worrying
9. Think quizically about why I'm thinking about his birthday so soon after his birth
10. Realise there is only a two step plan for the birthday:
    1. To make sure he gets passed around like a parcel and invite everyone to take their turns in wishing him happy birthday with long cuddles, ie free babysitters
    2. Get pissed

Fool-proof plan. It is no coincidence that the summarised two-step plan looks remarkably like the original 10-point plan.

I'm going to love his birthday!

=====================================================

Posted by Lee at 17 July 2007 | Permalink | Comments (2)

As we approach baby's first birthday (the invitation's in the post) I'm starting to reflect back at the last year. As I sit here on a pleasant Sunday morning I can smell that all too familiar indicator that a nappy needs to be changed. This paragraph is actually the last one I've written, only because I got the whiff! I'm about to hand over to MOTS so I can get dresssed to go swimming, so perfect timing, lad!

Get the hang of ...changingChanging a nappy is the same trauma every time. It doesn't matter how many you change, there's always a drama. It's an ever-changing process, so here's the run-down of the various stages of changing the nappy of a baby from birth to one.`

The stages here are generic, it matters not whether you're on disposables or re-usables

Pre birth:

1. Buy nappies
2. Buy nappy storage
3. Stack nappy storage
4. Take nappy out to look at
5. Spend 10 minutes turning nappy around, wondering what to do with it
6. Ask partner - "What do we do with this?"
7. Spend another 10 minutes turning nappy around, wondering what to do with it
8. Ask partner - "What have we done?"
9. Give up, go to bed.

The first couple of days:

1. Listen to midwife
2. Forget what midwife said
3. Play Russian Roulette with partner over who will get the first dirty one
4. Think after a day and a half it's going to be you
5. Know after a day and a half it's going to be you
6. See the first one - sweet mother of Christ, what is that?
7. Wonder how cotton balls soaked in water is going to remove that black gluey tar stuff
8. Reach for baby wipes
9. Get baby wipes confiscated by midwife
10. Spend next three days cleaning first deposit

The next few weeks:

1. Check colour chart to see if baby is getting enough milk
2. In the new found sleep deprived state you're in, mistakenly spread butter looking substance on toast
3. Have puking contest with baby

From introduction of solids:

1. Be thankful the runny buttery stuff is replaced with a smooth paste
2. Wish you were back to the relatively odourless buttery runny stuff
3. Wonder how it can get all the way up there
4. Wish you had a clean babygrow with you

This post says it all for that stage!

From 7 months:

1. Lie baby flat on changing mat
2. Remove trousers
3. Lie baby flat on changing mat
4. Remove nappy
5. Lie baby flat on changing mat
6. Clean up
7. Lie baby flat on changing mat
8. Put new nappy on
9. Lie baby flat on changing mat
10. Put trousers back on
11. Lie baby flat on changing mat

From around 10 months:

1. Lie baby flat on changing mat
2. Baby stands up
3. Take trousers off while baby standing - it's easier
4. Lie baby flat
5. Start to take nappy off while baby sitting up
6. Nappy comes off when baby is now on knees facing wall after tangling your arms around his legs
7. Hope that squelch you just stuck your hand in came out the top end
8. Forget Sudocrem - it goes everywhere these days
9. Sprinkle talc, using bottle as a distraction
10. Lie baby flat on changing mat, grabbing ankle to lift
11. Wonder how you ended up with baby's ankles in wrong hand and baby now in "wheelbarrow" position
12. Put nappy on backwards
13. Give up with trousers

There's more challenging times ahead, ie when he starts walking, when he can remove hims own nappy and run round in the buff, so I have come to accept this is an ever changing process that is never meant to be mastered.

If you can't master it, errm, what's the second line?

Posted by Lee at 15 July 2007 | Permalink | Comments (2)

I've just had my first trip away from home, so my first night away from Junior. Almost 11 months now, and with MOTS having had hers what seems like ages ago, it was my turn to enjoy a night away.

Apart from I was at work, at the office in the Village.

Hotel view - better than a full nappy!Who says you can't mix business with pleasure? The only things you shouldn't mix are possibly (in increasing order of volatility):

• Beer and wine
• Petrol and a naked flame
• Babies and a tidy living room
• Jordan and Jodie Marsh

It did feel longer than it really was. As I headed to the airport early doors on Wednesday morning I'd missed on breakfast and the morning routine, which MOTS had to do on her own (she practically does anyway). And by the time I got home on Thurdsay night he was in bed, so I never got the welcome home. Until he woke up for his supper, then it was magical - up on his feet stretching out to be lifted from his cot, bouncing like Tigger.

Earlier in the week we'd had a couple of moments. Not because I knew I was going to the Village for a couple of days, just how he was behaving around me. He'd really given me the big love over the weekend and early in the week, especially trying to settle him for bed. He's got this thing for studying my face at the moment, fingers in my mouth, touching my eyes (although the eyeballs hurt when he goes from touching to poking in one fell swoop).

Did I miss him while away? Hell no, several bottle of Becks saw to that one. Once they wore off though, of course I did. Having just gone through the process of falling in love with him all over again when he was studying my face it was going to be strange not having my eyeballs poked, nose picked and bottom jaw tugged on for a couple of days. Nice strange and strange strange at the same time.

Posted by Lee at 15 July 2007 | Permalink | Comments (0)