Changing a nappy - a guide from birth to one
As we approach baby's first birthday (the invitation's in the post) I'm starting to reflect back at the last year. As I sit here on a pleasant Sunday morning I can smell that all too familiar indicator that a nappy needs to be changed. This paragraph is actually the last one I've written, only because I got the whiff! I'm about to hand over to MOTS so I can get dresssed to go swimming, so perfect timing, lad!
Get the hang of ...changingChanging a nappy is the same trauma every time. It doesn't matter how many you change, there's always a drama. It's an ever-changing process, so here's the run-down of the various stages of changing the nappy of a baby from birth to one.`
The stages here are generic, it matters not whether you're on disposables or re-usables
Pre birth:
- Buy nappies
- Buy nappy storage
- Stack nappy storage
- Take nappy out to look at
- Spend 10 minutes turning nappy around, wondering what to do with it
- Ask partner - "What do we do with this?"
- Spend another 10 minutes turning nappy around, wondering what to do with it
- Ask partner - "What have we done?"
- Give up, go to bed.
The first couple of days:
- Listen to midwife
- Forget what midwife said
- Play Russian Roulette with partner over who will get the first dirty one
- Think after a day and a half it's going to be you
- Know after a day and a half it's going to be you
- See the first one - sweet mother of Christ, what is that?
- Wonder how cotton balls soaked in water is going to remove that black gluey tar stuff
- Reach for baby wipes
- Get baby wipes confiscated by midwife
- Spend next three days cleaning first deposit
The next few weeks:
- Check colour chart to see if baby is getting enough milk
- In the new found sleep deprived state you're in, mistakenly spread butter looking substance on toast
- Have puking contest with baby
From introduction of solids:
- Be thankful the runny buttery stuff is replaced with a smooth paste
- Wish you were back to the relatively odourless buttery runny stuff
- Wonder how it can get all the way up there
- Wish you had a clean babygrow with you
This post says it all for that stage!
From 7 months:
- Lie baby flat on changing mat
- Remove trousers
- Lie baby flat on changing mat
- Remove nappy
- Lie baby flat on changing mat
- Clean up
- Lie baby flat on changing mat
- Put new nappy on
- Lie baby flat on changing mat
- Put trousers back on
- Lie baby flat on changing mat
From around 10 months:
- Lie baby flat on changing mat
- Baby stands up
- Take trousers off while baby standing - it's easier
- Lie baby flat
- Start to take nappy off while baby sitting up
- Nappy comes off when baby is now on knees facing wall after tangling your arms around his legs
- Hope that squelch you just stuck your hand in came out the top end
- Forget Sudocrem - it goes everywhere these days
- Sprinkle talc, using bottle as a distraction
- Lie baby flat on changing mat, grabbing ankle to lift
- Wonder how you ended up with baby's ankles in wrong hand and baby now in "wheelbarrow" position
- Put nappy on backwards
- Give up with trousers
There's more challenging times ahead, ie when he starts walking, when he can remove hims own nappy and run round in the buff, so I have come to accept this is an ever changing process that is never meant to be mastered.
If you can't master it, errm, what's the second line?
Comments
oh no!! is that what i am in for? hmm i wonder if its too late to run for the hills?
Posted by: pablo | August 1, 2007 8:13 AM
'fraid so.
'fraid so.
Posted by: Lee | August 1, 2007 1:38 PM