An unfamiliar feeling returns
I've had a funny day, having been called out by work just after midnight last night and still being on the call at 6 o'clock this morning, the day's been turned on its head. But i's not work itself that this is about, oh no. It's what feelings having been up all night brought about, and how it matched a very unique situation.
Let's start off with this morning. Having been on the call until 6 o'clock this morning meant I got no sleep last night, so was on the back foot already this morning. I had to take the car in for its service today, so I drove it through and arranged to leave it there until tomorrow - there was no way I was driving that distance again today. Due to roadworks I missed the courtesy bus into town so had to get a service bus, which in turn meant I missed my train home, having to resort to the bus.
But while I was on the bus on the way into town I was watching everyone getting on and going to work. Those with regular days, having just got up, dressed, coffee. And I started feeling a little isolated, that this wasn't my day any more, that I didn't fit the normal demographic for that bus.
And while I waited for the next one again I watched everyone passing by, with the same isolation.
I've been out of synch before, lots of times, but never to the extent of feeling a little isolated. On holiday, jet-lagged, working shifts, sure it happens frequently. I guess today it came from an unplanned event that just came out of the blue, although not to be totally unexpected.
This feeling of isolation in a "normal" world has hit me only once before. Then I felt I had no control over what was happening, that the world had somehow carried on while locally it had paused. I remember watching people going about their normal business and not being part of it; Being in a situation that wasn't wholly unexpected apart from the timing. The recollection of then, unlike now, was not knowing what was on the other side, not knowing when normality (if there ever would be such a thing) would return. At least today I know I'll go to bed about the same time and get up and go to work tomorrow as normal. But then I didn't.
So when was that?
The night before my son was born.
So thanks to being called out last night I have had the chance to experience a similar wave of feeling I had that was present at the birth of my boy. And while the two situations are wholly incomparable it did take me back, back to a place where the expectation of what was coming was an unknown, that something was about to happen that was absolutely unique to us, when I was walking the corridors with those passing by not knowing that it wasn't a normal walk.
Isolation. It can be a funny place.
