Alder's Tone

Purely Scottish

2011-07-03T12:29:01Z

National identity has been a subject of some debate in our house over the years. When I say in my house I mean in my head mainly, sometimes spilling into the wider world.

As an island we are very confused. Are we British? The Northern Irish never will be, as Great Britain doesn't include them - the United Kingdom's full title is the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. So British doesn't mean UK. Are we United Kingdomers? Who knows?

]]> I'm British, also English. But what about my boys?

Well, to quote JJ:

Two poodles can't have a Labrador.

Which means as both parents are English that makes bambinos English too. Apart from one minor detail, that's the big thistle on their birth certificates, and the Scottish place of birth on the aforementioned.

Tell you what, let's given them Scottish names and then let them decide later on.

The oldest already has. He like his flag. HIS flag. Whenever we see the Saltire and the Union Flag together he points the Saltire out as his, but also sees his as part of the Union. He's setting out his political table too, I am happy enough he won't be the next Alex Salmond.

Over Easter I built the boys their climbing frame / swing set / slide / picnic table, and number 1 son said he wanted a flag on it. Scouring the tinternet for a suitable size MOTS reigned me in and downsized the flag size I wanted. When it boiled down to it the flags we got were small hand-held waving ones, the sort that sold out in nanoseconds in London at the Royal Wedding.

During a clearout of my wardrobe MOTS found my Euro 2004 (Portugal) England St George's Cross. A fair size bigger than the Saltires flapping in the breeze in our back garden it slipped perfectly over the Saltire wrapped around pole. And there it sat from yesterday afternoon.

They'll never take our garden!
This morning the boy saw it. He got the keys. He let himself outside. He climbed the highest mountain (the highest in our garden) to tear down the infiltrator's flag. He marched to the seat of the rebellion, and threw the St George's Cross at the moll of the rebellion leader. That is not my flag, that stays off, do not put it up again.

Well, that's us told. What was I saying about him not being the next Alex Salmond…?

Another life sentence...

2011-06-06T08:00:00Z

Just a couple of weeks ago it was MOTS' turn, today it's mine. Today marks the point in time when half my life has been spent with MOTS. Only half my life ago she was just plain ~~old~~ young Deb.

She'd get less for murder... but then wouldn't have her two boys!

A life sentence

2011-05-20T06:00:00Z

Today marks the day for MOTS that we have been together for half of her life. I would never have known that fateful night in the Hotspur that we would have two boys at this stage in life. A lucky walk to Marlborough Crescent bus station is to be thanked for the boys very existence, even if the bus station has long gone.

[2] Official Walking Week

2011-04-15T13:09:51Z

After weeks of tentative steps, and cruising (which #1 never did) we've officially decalerad this week as "walking week". We're still very much at the hand-holding stage, with no more than a few steps at a time, being thwarted by the smallest of obstacles (ie th rug in the lounge), but it's a progression with no definitive point in time.

May the Lord have mercy on us all.

Happy birthdays, Granny & Grandpa

2011-04-10T11:00:00Z

A bit late, quite a bit late in Grandpa's case, but as it's on a date of their choice.....

Happy 60ths!

Enjoy your meal, hope there's no too much soot on it!

Three B Week

2011-04-07T05:00:00Z

We've had a very interesting couple of weeks. What with barfing, building, burning… it's all been happening.

]]>

Rules is rulesBarfing: #2 son has had a bug that's been doing the rounds, which in hindsight MOTS and I have had too. #1 got away with it, which was good. MOTS had a mild dose, and it hit me hard enough for me to only have half of my curry on a night out with work. And let's face it, me not finishing my curry is a monumental disaster. Not to mention that #2 was poorly (nowhere near as bad as some of his plas in nursery who ended up at the Sick Kids), but a wasted curry??

Grandma got it from #2 son, so that'll be a be a biological export then! That's the barfing covered. Covered Grandma, that is.

Will look great
when the scaffold
comes downBuilding: Man needs shed /* said in Neolithic voice */ Ugg, shed. It's all part of the grand master plan, a 7'x5' pent shed with tongue & groove fascia will be arriving this afternoon. It is going to be built in a very convenient location, only 2 foot away from our outside plug socket. Which means… the beer fridge can be switched ON in there. Whoo-hoo! I sold it to MOTS as some sort of external storage facility to house some of the junk in the garage when that has to get cleared out for the garage conversion we have planned for next year. But I have other ideas, at the next BBQ it will house the bar. The base has been dug out, gravelled and bearers laid and ready to build the new shed on. It's all over bar the delivery.

Building 2: For the last 9 months or so I have been stashing some cash aside, initially without MOTS' knowledge, to replace the swing set we had given a couple of years ago. Surprisingly, this medium term plan actually got followed through. Most of our medium term plans never get off the ground, so this one is rather unique! The kit has been in the garage for a few weeks and construction started at the weekend just past. #1 was gutted when his old set got taken down, but now the new one has the scaffolding up it's a whole new attitude. He's directing me on which bits to build next, and what has to be built first, so I can see him being a site manager. Not that I'd want to live in any house he built though! Just watch, that will come back to haunt me when he does turn out to be a builder and he builds our retirement bungalow by the coast.

Another dramaBurning: #1 isn't what we would describe as "easy" to deal with. School have their own word for him. As it is approaching the end of term we've had a couple of emails back & forth with school and on Tuesday we were feeling very positive, things are going in the right direction, and we had high hopes to a good finish to the term. A burning desire you might say. Not an alarming proposition, one might agree. The staff at the private nursery picked him up from school as usual, but from a different room as there had been a fire alarm and evacuation of his building. And that meant his chart wasn't available, the chart that offers daily feedback, but the news from school was everything was fine, all happy faces. So as #1 headed down the corridor and past the fire alarm and said "I pulled that down at school" the heart sank. At school it is right beside his coat peg, so is an easy target. Nursery staff told us that the teachers hadn't said anything, so it looks like they didn't know. Well, they will this morning when they read my email. We had a long chat, which ended with a big sorry, a promise never to do it again (promise offered, not asked for), #1 saying himself he was in big trouble, going to bed with no story or self reading time and him not even asking for kisses and cuddles. And the first thing he said to MOTS this morning was he didn't have a story and his light on because he was in big trouble.

That's it for the moment, we're all looking forward to having a couple of weeks off work in the run up to Easter, which will be the first family time we've had since October really. With general family life being in turmoil since the start of December, and the loss of Snoopy redirecting efforts, we're just starting to look at normality again, so hopefully this two weeks will be as relaxing as we hope. Perhaps a trip to the fire station might go on the to-do list. Please, no…...

Two small cuts

2011-01-14T09:00:00Z

Loin of pork.

Shoulder of beef.

No? Oh dear, today's the day then. Time to watch some John Wayne movies, just to get used to how I'll be walking for the next couple of weeks.

So >>THAT<< is how Houdini did it!

2011-01-13T18:00:00Z

So how did Houdini do it then?

#1 found out this afternoon.

Always slip out un-noticed via the back door when the audience's attention is diverted!

]]> It's standard magician's stuff, create a diversion, draw attention to the big shiny thing over here, miss the real action over there. Big fanfare, round of applause.

No?

Big fanfare, heartbeats racing, people in a panic. No applause.

What's gone wrong, has the trick failed?

As the atmosphere changes, the smoke clears to see a 4 year old outside wandering the streets on his own, looking for him Mummy. The trick was followed to the letter, it should have worked, it goes like clockwork, it never fails, nothing changes....

But that is where it failed. MOTS has gone back to work after her maternity, so childcare arrangements have changed. Both boys are now in nursery for the duration of the working days, whereas before #1 was in 2 afternoons and one morning up to that point.

On one of those afternoons, a Monday, he had a French lesson. That took him to pick-up time, so MOTS was always there after French to pick him up.

Not any more. On a Monday MOTS is at home, and so are both boys.

But this is Thursday. He's switched from Monday to Thursday for French, as it's held in the nursery. Only he's now picked up later, about an hour after French ends.

But that hadn't fully sunk in. So he expected to be picked up. So under cover of a parent doing a pick-up, he slipped downstairs and out of the back door into the car park.

No car. Where's Mummy?

Round the corner to the far side of the car park. No car. Where's Mummy?

But Mummy normally parks here, but not always. If she was going to the High Street before or after picking #1 up from nursery she would park in the train station car park. So guess where he went? Yes, up to the station to look. Unaccompanied. And worse of all, not missed.

Thanks to his French teacher going to his room to give his homework the alarm got raised. By which time he was returning to the building and buzzing to get back in.

Bit of a shock. We are really pleased that he was savvy with the roads. We are really pleased that he went back. We are far from happy that 22 days later is when the door is due to be fixed, with handles raised out of reach of young hands.

It looks like the staff have had a bigger shock than we have. They have got away with a very easy chat with us, initially, about the escape. That conversation could have been with far more difficult parents or even worse, with far more difficult circumstances.

At the time of writing I am a couple of hours away from getting the report and action plan, so that should be interesting reading. We have heard it from Houdini's side, now for the stage managers.

Until we see the report we are thinking about procedural failure (ie staff handover from French class back to his normal room) and physical security. It's the thought of it happening again, to someone not so clued up, that scares us.

No names. No incrimination. Just action to ensure no repeat performance.

Snoopy

2010-12-28T18:00:00Z

My inspiration has gone.

I set the blog up, after some prodding by Richard (thanks, bud), with inspiration from one person. The writing was often aimed at generating a wry smile from him, and still bringing in other friends and family into this remote place we call a family home. Some posts have lead to other off-line activities or creations, such as the Chris Bonnington climb-a-thon when #1 started climbing stairs leading to a quick artistic rendition in Photoshop. That I'll miss. That, along with many, many other aspects of my father-in-law. MOTS' dad, the boys' Granda. Snoopy.

Trouble just won't be the same without you.

[2] Baby's first...Christmas

2010-12-25T13:08:35Z

And of course #1's FIFTH Christmas. And our first as a complete family. And our first on our own with no extended family. Wow, big changes this year then!

]]> Last night we left out the usual fare for the big fella in the red suit and his army of reindeer. We have had a few practice runs leaving apples in bowls on each stair over the course of the last couple of weeks. When I say each stair I mean until the apples or the bowls run out, which can only mean the poor reindeer at the back of the pack are looking highly likely to miss out.

The big night itself came, and on the fireplace we left:

Apples for the reindeer, as uspected in individual bowls. Oh, and plates too so we didn't leave any hungry reindeer
A mug of hot chocolate for Santa. He's still tea-total when he comes to this house. But he can't really wash down the biscuit with a fine single malt, can he? Really?

And what did Santa leave us? Messy footprints! And a thank-you for his nibbles.

A certain volume of excitement was building on Christmas Eve. It didn't stop the boys from sleeping, they both like their sleep too much. Which meant we had a good lie-in, not bad for Christmas morning, 08:30. Even when up there was something amiss. We got up, headed downstairs, took at right and into the kitchen, had breakfast, cleared up. Are we sure we have got the right day here?

And there it is, a bursting into the lounge, eyes agog, and....

Who left those footprints?

Never mind the big stash under the tree, there are footprints on the carpet don't you know? And they need clearing up. Eventually, and before the hoover came out, the stash was spotted. The dawning of realisation, yes, he's been , we have presents, it's..... CHRISTMAS

And queue frenzy!

As an older brother #1 was very helpful. He was so keen to help show his little bruv what to do that he repeated the help over and over. Never sure whether it was getting through, he was so keen to demonstrate time and again. Even to the point of showing the little one how to play with his toys. You don't want to play with them yourself when I can, that's too much effort, here let me. Selfless that #1 boy, selfless.

So there we had it. Our first Christmas morning with just our immediate family. The usual lunch though, my request for fish fingers and sprouts didn't go down well, so we had the usual spread.

Just one question left at the end of the day:

Are we buying shares in Duracell?

What a journey. Or several.

2010-12-22T21:15:48Z

Looking back at how long it is (again) since the last post it's clear there's a lot happened, and mostly in the transport, or lack of, arena. From giving up, to pure determination, to feeling bad to feeling absolutely shit scared. Yes, we've had the lot.

]]> It's no joke any more. When will this snow be a good boy and just fuck off? Had enough, even the big fella said towards the end of the first drop that he was fed up and wanted it to be sunny again. There's only so much mileage you can get with a snowman with an apple for a nose (clearly carrots weren't "in-season").

The wee fella has suffered too, stuck in the house more than usual. Don't know if they are related but his cold of x number of weeks and counting just isn't shifting. That's him had one now since about a week before his first tooth arrived. At least we can see when he's feeling better, the smiles just get bigger!

It's amazing how steep our road becomes with a few millimetres of snow on it. It goes from this hardly noticeable 1:1000 incline to the north face of the Eiger. Which is why, for almost a fortnight, the ultimate driving machine sat on the drive and never budged. When it started clearing it was taken out just for the sheer enjoyment of getting it off the drive again. But, before the last few piles of snow vanished, another drop. Today we've seen the fastest and heaviest drop we've ever seen here, so the only transport was those things that normally get put up in front of the fire (alas, that's broken so can't help us now).

4th December: Things looked pretty bleak out there. But nothing had fallen overnight, our street was passable (just) and as the importance of the roads increased so the amount of snow went in inverse proportions. Bravely, or stupidly, we set off for our booked trip to see Santa.

It was a journey I will never want to repeat. Just 4 miles from home on the dual carriageway we nearly had a spelling mistake. We were going to see Santa, we nearly ended up with Satan. With 2 lanes clear and 2 slow moving trucks on the inside, two faster moving trucks, plus us, plus a pickup were in the outside overtaking the aforementioned slower ones. A truck in front, then us, then the pickup, then another truck. The truck up front hit the side of the snow, or a bank of snow had fallen in front of him. Whatever happened, the first we saw was MOTS noticed the crash tension cables in the central reservation twanging in the air. I saw the left hand side of the cab unit from an angle you only want to see when it's parked up. The most common last words spoken on a black box voice recorder just before a Beoing 747 crashes into the sea went through my mind as fast as a fly's arse does when it's just been swatted.

Seconds passed.

They felt like hours.

** CRUNCH**

That was the suspension on the truck as it had bounced back off the cables. And that was it, no more metal on metal contact. How we got back into the inside lane and not hit the pickup that had got there before us I'll never know. How he didn't jack-knife I'll never know. How the two trucks on the inside got past I do know, they kept on going when lane 2 hit the brakes. I don't know what make of truck was behind us as I lost the logo when he got too close to see it in the mirror.

The only thing going at any speed for the next few miles was the heartbeat. That is the closest to a pile-up I've ever been, and thank Nissan for building us a car that I could use effectively to get us out of it. Let's face it, there's no other explanation!

Made it, just!We made it! First train of the day, and it showed. Late starting off as they had a few points problems, and ploughed snow falling back on the track. And I don't think we made it the full length, but nobody cared. Most people had made it, and we did get to go. After all, a few inches of snow helps the sleigh, not stop it, right? A hard frost last year made it look magical, this year's snow made that look like a summer's day in comparison. Stunning to look at. Almost as stunning as watching the young prick in a Mini belt into the car park all cocky then get stuck, needing a push. And doing it again on the way out. What a fud, but at least he provided much needed light entertainment. Hats off to all the volunteers that made it happen, a lot of happy kids despite the weather.

With the more recent school closures, in particular this afternoon's, transport has been more primitive. And can I say the big pram is fantastic in the snow. Obviously better in compacted stuff, but even this dust we got today has been a poor adversary. Silver Cross 1, million tons of frozen water crystals nil.

I've given up all hope of a train service tomorrow, so will be double you eff aitching until the big fella comes. That's the BIG fella, sorry for the typo!

So, in anticipation of Saturday morning, Merry Christmas!

[2] One small step for toothkind

2010-11-13T19:04:26Z

Everything's going mobile this week with #2. From his first tooth appearing on Monday, to taking his first 4 crawl steps later in the week, to sitting up himself from a lying position, to turning those first 4 crawl steps into a good yard of forward movement.

]]> The crawling technique is funny though. The knees come up and right under the lower torso, with a sidewinder like abdominal movement giving the forward motion of one knee relative to the other. It looks very robotic as nothing below the waist actually moves, in terms of joints that is. If anyone has seen Pixar's Tin Toy short then this is just like that!

Nothing is safe now. He's grabbing everything in reach*, shoving everything in his mouth, and now he's moving like grease lightning. As of now the new nickname is Jack Jack. If you need to know why then you haven't seen The Incredibles. Or it's side story with the poor demented babysitter. Our poor demented babysitter is called Julie, though. Anyway, here it is, along with Tin Toy and Pixar's other great shorts.

* New favourite saying of #1 - "If it's in reach, it's fair game"

[2] Baby's first...tooth (eventually)

2010-11-08T20:03:11Z

It's been a long time coming, but after 7 months and 21 days #2's first tooth has finally unwrapped itself from his gum this morning and exposed itself to the fresh Scottish air, just in time for the family trip to the dentist tonight. All smiles, but now different smiles.

That's quite a few weeks of symptoms to get this far - gumming down on things, Calgel / Bonjela tubes being emptied at a high rate, thru'penny bits (nasty…), red cheeks, but when it finally appeared it was a non-event. This boy really is his big brother's clone.

Happy Hallowe'en from the world's worst dad

2010-10-31T22:00:00Z

There's been a lot of coverage in the press this week about how much of another American import Hallowe'en is becoming, with one victim of this being the very British festival a few days later that is bonfire night. Elf an sayftie have a lot to answer for the demise of our ritual burning of the poor Guy Fawkes as we British, as a nation, take part in our favoured pastime of honouring failures.

But, when in Indianapolis…

]]> Last year the big fella had a skeleton mask and t-shirt, both of which have been worn throughout the year. The mask is nothing more than printed card with a thin bit of elastic cord tied round the back. Amazingly, given it's been in his bed, thrown around our own local landfill site (his bedroom), and generally had a good hammering it's in pristine condition.

School had a Hallowe'en day on Thursday, so in he went in the t-shirt and mask. Home he came in his t-shirt. The wind caught his mask while they were outside and, well, let's say after a bit of wind and a drizzle of rain there's little hope for it.

"Not happy at losing my mask"

Poor fella was gutted. I listened to this on the phone in the afternoon. Not "Hello, Daddy" or anything normal like that. Straight on saying has was not best chuffed.

I spotted my chance. I left work a little early, called in a couple of shops, came away with a full cloth black hood with white mesh face with a black skeletal face painted on the mesh. Brilliant! And only 49p too! Appealed to both the Dad and tight-fisted miser in me. Arriving home I awaited my normal greeting. Alas, it was not there.

"Not happy at losing my mask"

OK, son, take a look in my jacket pocket. The excitement was there in his face. His eyes opened, the pupils dilated, I could even hear a heartbeat across the kitchen. Go on, pull the zip. The excitement built, he reached in, pulled it out, opened it up and… I pinpointed the exact moment when it all went wrong. From there the heartbeat went back to normal, the eyes closed, the frown came out.

"Want my other one, the one that blew away"

I have well and truly had my first lesson in how all dads are a disappointment to their children. After this it gets easier to take, that's what I'm telling myself to get through it.

Thankfully the big night itself went better. My first ever pumpkin carving was quite good - the big fella compared it with a neighbour's pumpkin and gave a fair critique, and one visitor did say it was the best they'd seen that night. With a new full skeleton suit for both boys we scared the neighbours good and proper. He even learned a couple of skeleton joke for good measure.

Why did the skeleton cross the road? Because he was going to the body shop.
What musical instrument do the skeletons play? The trom-bone

A few kids who came to our door went away scarred (that's two "r"s there) for life after seeing MOTS with her mask on. What's that, you left your mask in the kitchen? Ohhhhh….

In the true spirit of things our next door neighbour parked his car across his drive such that the front was hard up against the hedge at one side and the boot against the hedge at the other. Nobody, but nobody was getting through there. Skeletons and ghosts, however…

A Premier Week

2010-10-25T17:00:00Z

We’re back home after a week away in Yorkshire and straight away we’re looking through the Premier Cottages brochure to see where we can go next. Well, strictly speaking that’ll be to see Steve & Vicki, but we do appear to have liked being away again this year so it might be the start of two weeks away with one of those being at A. N. Other place.

]]> With a shorter drive than usual it was a much slower start to the holiday. Stopping near the Tyne Tunnel for lunch hardly made it feel like we had gone far, especially when in walked one of #1’s pals from nursery – his family were heading in the same direction.

With another stop along the way for a coffee, a time kill, and to feed the little ‘un, we arrived to find the cottage clean, spacious, and welcoming. Is that a disaster up there though? We’re on the first floor, the boards creak a bit, are we going to be upsetting anyone below us? I hope there’s nobody downstairs this week...

Disaster averted – our first floor cottage at Old Oak Cottages in Little Thirkleby (just how Yorkshire is that for a place name?) extended over the back end of the swimming pool, spa, changing room and sauna. So nobody downstairs to upset when the baby elephant was stomping around, which was just as well given we were actually staying in a sanctuary run by Born Free, or so you’d have thought given how often that baby elephant came past.

So what have we been up to?

It’s late October now, so things are winding down for winter. Which means special timetables, reduced opening hours, and compromises on weekend only activities as we only had one weekend day to go at. The winner for our Sunday trade was Lightwater Valley. Alton Towers it is not, but with the majority of things being OK for the big guy to go on it was a worthwhile trip. MOTS was kind enough to let me have a shot on a couple of big boys things so I had a couple of adrenalin fixes. We have decided that Alton Towers is well and truly out of the question until both boys can go on most if not everything, we just don’t want it restrictive for them.

Food featured along the way too, with cracking fish and chips (even I failed to finish them) in Whitby and the best sausage rolls I’ve ever tasted from Hunters of Helmsley – that place looked to be a goldmine. We are sadly lacking any sort of deli-come-baker of this calibre near home.

Not that we needed any more, we brought a new mouse into the house. A wooden one from the Mouseman in Kilburn – sadly not on the telephone desk that I liked or the craft desk that MOTS liked. Lottery win still absent, which is why our mice are also absent. No, just a small mouse for #1 son.

York – and in 2 separate locations we saw #1’s nursery pal again. I’ve heard of walking holidays but not stalking holidays! The NRM went down a storm, big trains, going on trains, looking under trains, playing with trains. Even crashing trains (yes, there next to the signalling exhibition is the crashes exhibition – not that the two are in any way linked, SN109…)

And back to the pool – as we did numerous times. #2 son got his first shot in the water, he lasted quite a while and had some serious underwater time going on. The big boy decided he was too big for his arm bands and so ditched them, in favour of the Ben 10 ring that was there. That did get ditched too, so completely unaided he managed over the course of one day to swim over 6 widths of the pool with no assistance at all. He’s got no chance of ditching his bands when we’re back in the wave machine at home, so I’ll expect a few strops there!

All in all a good week, a couple of firsts, some revisits to places I haven’t been for decades, and some other stuff we as DINKs used to do, but now with a family hat on instead.